PRAYER REQUESTS

Prayer requests:
1) Throat
- the inflamation will subside. Currently its so inflamed food is unable to go down without steroid coverage and this evening I choked again, causing some food to come out.
Pray it doesn't get infected. I'm on antibiotics.
2) Sleep. I get at most 4 hours a night in total as my mouth and throat dry up causing it to be very painful by morning.
Please pray that the salivary glands will function properly once again and this won't be a long term damage.
3) Eating becomes really difficult now and this next couple of weeks is crucial. The effects of the RT continue with each week..
4) with 2 weeks left of treatment please pray that the tumor will shrink completely and that there will be complete healing. It would be horrible if I have to continue because there are traces of the tumor left.
5) although many have said the side effects of the treatment continue on and peaks in 2 weeks I have a very personal prayer request...that God will grant me favour and allow me immediate recovery such that I can be at church on Christmas day sharing the Word of God from the pulpit.

Thank you all for your support and encouraging messages. Most of all for upholding me and my family before the throne of God.

My readings from Walking with God through Pain and Suffering - Keller

Have been blessed reading Keller's book Walking with God through Pain and Suffering.  have been finding God in the midst of my trials and he continues to speak.

EXCERPT PAGE 190-191,192
First, suffering transforms our attitude towards ourselves. It humbles us and removes unrealistic self regard and pride. It shows us how fragile we are.....suffering removes the blinders. It does not so much makes us helpless and out of control as it shows us we have always been vulnerable and dependent on God. Suffering merely helps us wake up to that fact and live in accordance with it.

Suffering also leads us to examine ourselves ad see weaknesses, because it brings us the worst in us. Our weak faith, sharp tongue, laziness, insensitivity to people, worry, bitter and other weaknesses in character will become evident to us (and others) in hard times.

Second, suffering will profoundly change our relationship to the good things in our lives. We will see that things have become too important to us. When we are devastated by a career reversal, there is real loss and grieve. But we may also come to see that the magnitude of our suffering is due to the excessive weight we put on our job status or other achievements.  The reversal can be a unique opportunity to invest more of our hope and meaning in God and family and others....

Thirdly, and most of all, suffering can strengthen our relationship to God like nothing else can. C.S. Lewis famous dictum is true, that in prosperity God whispers to us but in adversity He shouts to us. Suffering is indeed a test of our connection  to God. It can tempt us to be so angry at God and at life that we have no desire to pray. Yet it also has the resources to to greatly deepen our divine friendship. It starts with analysis. When times are good how do you know if you love God or just love the things He is giving you or doing for you? You don't really. In times of health and prosperity, it is easy to think you have a loving relationship to God. You pray and do your religious duties since it is comforting and seems to be paying off. But it is only in suffering that we can hear God shouting a set of questions at us: "Were things all right between us as long as I waited on you hand and foot? Did you get into this relationship for me to serve you or for you to serve me? .....it is only in suffering that faith and trust in God can be known to be in God, therefore it is only in suffering that our love relationship with God can become more and more genuine.

Suffering drives us toward God to pray as we never would otherwise ..

Finally, suffering is almost a prerequisite if we are going to be of much use to other people, especially when they go through their own trials. Adversity makes us far more compassionate than we would have been otherwise. Before, when we saw others in grieve we may have secretly wondered what all the blubbering was about, why people cant just suck it up and go on.....When we have suffered, we become more tender hearted and able to help others in suffering. Suffering creates wisdom in people, if they handle it and it doesn't make them hard
  
Heb 12:1-17
Romans 8:18-30
2 Cor 1:3-12  4:7-5:5, 11:24-12:10  and
most 1 Peter

UPDATE WEEK 5 DAY 4

I'm in my 24th RT and just completed my 5th CT on Tuesday.  Looks like I only have one more CT to go next Tuesday and 11 more RT.  I'm well over my half way mark and thats a consolation.  After that its recovery and rebuilding although a lot of the previous NPC survivors say the effects really peaks 2 weeks after the last treatment.  I'm praying that wont be the case for me because 2 weeks would end a few days before Christmas!

My daily bowl of meds

I no longer feel like I'm swallowing rocks, I'd say the feeling now is swallowing blades. To make matters worse, the throat is inflamed and so that makes the swallowing reflex difficult.  I'm on some kind of gargle medication (some kind of steroids) that brings down the inflamation almost immediately.  I'm covered round the clock with an aspirin gargle that numbs the throat long enough to eat my food. Oral painkillers are also in the menu of drugs together with antibiotics.  (druggy!)

The nights are toughest because the throat and mouth dries out and I have to wake up at every hour to moisten by drinking water or gargle.   I average 4 hours of sleep a night.  When the throat dries up, it becomes very painful in the morning when I have to do the aspirin gargle...thats when the blades come out! 

As for weight, I'm now averaging 67Kgs which means I've lost 5Kgs in my 5th week.  Nurses say 1Kg a week is acceptable.

  

Please continue to pray for complete healing through this process.  That after the whole treatment there will be no  trace of the tumor or cancer cells. 

Please also pray for a lessening of the symptoms as I head towards the end of the treatment. 

PSALM 71

Your righteousness O God reaches the high heavens

You who have done great things O God who is like you?

You who made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again

From the depths of the earth you will bring me up again

You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.

Amen!  

Update going in to Week 5

The sores in my throat has grown and the pain is now more intense.  Somehow the aspirin tablet gargle doesn't work as well and as fast. Eating now becomes harder and so I have to wash down the soft food with a chaser drink.

At night when I lie down the mouth and throat becomes really dry. The salivary glands are affected due to the daily radiation.  I find that if I sit up it is a bit better. So at night when I sleep I gargle my mouth to keep it moist almost every hour. This is how important saliva is - It helps in digestion, it has enzymes that protect the teeth but it also coats the teeth. In the morning when my mouth is completely dry, the edges of the teeth feels like knives as I brush my tongue along it.  Its really sharp but because of the saliva which coats it, we don't realise how sharp it is.

Please pray that 

1) The pain would not intensify and that the sores in the throat will heal so that I can eat my semi liquid diet.

2) The salivary glands will not be damaged permanently. They would work well and I would be able to sleep at nights without my mouth and throat drying up. 

3) Week 5 that God will sustain me and my weight wont come down too drastically.

I am now about 68Kgs. down 4+Kgs

       

Abundance in the midst of suffering

Doing my 4th chemo today. It's getting tougher with each new cycle but my hope remains surely in the Lord.

I've established a routine now and that helps make things go quickly. One of the highlights is walking with Connie in Subang Ria park on Sundays. It's kind of a reward for going through the week.

This morning I read Psalm 66 which resonated with my heart deeply...

For you, O God, have tested us;

you have tried us as silver is tried.

11  You brought us into mthe net;

you laid a crushing burden on our backs;

12  you let men nride over our heads;

we went through fire and through owater;

yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

And when it's all over...

rCome and hear, all you who fear God,

and I will tell what he has done for my soul.

17  I cried to him with my mouth,

and high praise was on1 my tongue.2

18  If I had scherished iniquity in my heart,

tthe Lord would not have listened.

19  But truly uGod has listened;

he has attended to the voice of my prayer.

20  Blessed be God,

because he has not rejected my prayer

or removed his steadfast love from me!

One truth remains in all of this testing...I have experienced His abundance in the midst of suffering!

Blessed be our Lord! Because he hears my prayers and keeps me in His steadfast love...where else can I find abundance??!!

Eating cardboard swallowing rocks

End of week 3 my throat is pretty sore. So now all food taste like cardboard and it feels like I'm swallowing rocks. Try to have 5 small meals a day each one takes up to 2 hours.
I take a short nap after the meals.
Difficult.

Going in for Week 3 - Lord I need you!

Tomorrow, I begin chemo 3 of 6 and radio 12 of 35.  

Please pray 
1) That the tumor will continue to shrink and shrink completely.

2) Side effects this week will be minimal and I would be able to overcome it
   -  nausea and cramps
    - sore throat
    - no mouth sores (to date none)

3) That I would be able to eat and not lose weight. 

4) My WBC and RBC count will continue to be high

5) Good health for all in our household is also important as I cannot afford to get sick. 

Thank you for remembering me in prayer.

PS. weirdest thing today, I put a piece of orange in my mouth and I could not taste a thing. If I was blindfolded and held my breath I will not know I was eating an orange!!  Yup, my taste buds shot! 

  

A green olive tree in the house of God

It was a rough week.  The stomach cramps the whole day and the nauseating feeling never leaves.  At the same time I have to eat to keep healthy. I cannot lose too much weight or else it will jeopardize the treatment. 

The pattern is after the CT on Tuesday, I feel bad all Wednesday and then peaks on Thursday evening. Sunday feels the best. I am so thankful for the weekends as it gives Connie and I a break from having to rush to the hospital every afternoon. 

I know with each cycle of CT, my body is getting beaten down and my WBC and RBC drop. Each week, I know I'm going to get weaker.  I cry to God and I call for His mercy before each mouthful of food. (Never thought I would have to force food, good food down like this) 

Today, I am reduced to one who have to cry to God even to do the basic thing for a man and that is to eat. I am moved to repentance in ever having thought that I was so good at what I do, so sufficient, so capable, so strong that prayer was the last resort, worship whenever convenient and reading the Word only when necessary. 

My reading and meditation of Psalm 52 spoke right in - 

V.7  See the man who would not make God His refuge

but trusted in the abundance of His riches (security, comfort)

and sought refuge (safety, self-image) in His own destruction

BUT I am like a green olive tree in the house of God

I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever

I will thank you forever

because you have done it

I will wait for your name for it is good

in the presence of the Godly.

We are not that great and powerful afterall. Lord how I need you!! I want you closer! I want to know you!   I wanna be a green olive tree in the house of God!! 

Week 2 Day 3

Today, the day after Chemo 2 feels significantly worse.  Nausea medicines have increased so that keeps the food down thankfully but the mouth is just bland. The one ulcer seems to be healing but the entrance to the throat just feels scratchy. I am still able to swallow without any pain - So I am thankful. 

I got medications for my hiccups which started at 8 am promptly..  
a quarter tablet of Largactil made me so drowsy the whole day (like when jet lag hits) but at least  it stopped the hiccups.

Please pray for endurance and a joyful heart keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus.  Towards the end of the week, the radiotherapy gets tiresome and I dread going.  

Please also continue to pray for minimal side effects and that I wont lose any weight.  

Thanking you all once again for your prayers and comments and whatsapp messages and delicious meals for me and my family.  

Week 2

I am grateful for the weekend. Going to church seeing the community is the best therapy. It's actually given me strength to face week 2.

I have learned that its OK to say I can't do this.  That's its tough to feel the body getting weaker and to go to the hospital everyday knowing that the treatment is what is causing all the side effects. Now I can turn to Jesus and say I need you. I need you to take me through this, to give me the strength and the stamina cause I can't!

So blessed also to have sat under the authority of the Word this past Sunday and to hear an exhortation from my friend and mentor Ps Guna Raman from Singapore. The church received the Word with great joy and encouragement.
To love and adore Christ for who He is and not for His rewards/gifts. That is the only way to face the severe mercies in this world.

Christ is the Alpha and Omega.
Here is the last 32 minutes of the sermon I recorded.....https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0B0b4OwphSLvVNWNvY2s2LUEycVk

Ps Guna prays for the church and for me at the end of the sermon.

Week 2.... Here I come

Greetings from SDMC.