20 days after last Radiation

20 days after my last irradiation there are so many ups and downs.  Some good days some bad days.

I had made it a goal to be available to preach a Christmas sermon on Christmas Day at CDPC Subang. My prayer was that I felt no pain and I was not reliant on pain killers and I will go for it. Meanwhile, Ps Ian from CDPCKL who was to preach the same text in the afternoon was on standby in case I could not do it.  The problem was that up to Wednesday, the pain killers were making me drowsy and each time I put my fingers to the computer I would nod off.  Thursday morning, I woke up and I strangely felt no pain!  I took 1 tablet of pain killer (ultracet) and by evening there was minimal pain in my throat.  I took another one before sleeping. The days before I was doing 6 tablets of ultracet a day + 2 tramadol.  By Friday I had taken zero!  Thank you Lord!!   I told Ian I will go for it as the Lord seem to have given me a confirmation.

Luke 2:8-51

Then on Christmas Eve, I felt a bit of pain and by Sunday morning, the pain had returned. It was time to rely on God!  I took a tablet of ultracet and gargled the aspirin just before going up. It went well and it was a great Christmas present for me from the Lord to have proclaimed the Word of God on Christmas Day to the community I love so much!

On Monday morning, I was parched and hoarse. Got back on the pain killers but half of what I used to do.  Praying again for this Sunday as I preach one more time.

My Scripture reader who helped me read scripture through the sermon

FOOD
On Christmas Day lunch at church i ate my first solids...mash potatoes and although it was painful I could actually taste it and swallow it! From then on, I have been on soft solids...porridge and fish etc. This is a huge step forward for me!!

Day by day I am praying that God will heal me from all these side effects quickly.
I still am unable to sleep through the nigh having to wake up every hour to wet my mouth and throat. With the sores, a dry throat is just not good!  Wetting the dry sores is like pouring vinegar on an open wound!

Iradiation 5 more days

Yesterday, I got a bummer news as I went for an ultrasound test of the nodes on the neck. Most of them have shrunk except for the main one which the cancer had infiltrated was still enlarged. Doctor said it usually takes a couple of weeks after RT for it to shrink completely. As a precautionary step however she would like to do 5 sessions of Iradiation. I was so bummed out to hear that as I thought I was done with treatment.
Well, we asked for them to do the planning  on the same day and begin treatment the following day which is today.

a different machine. I step in to a room with a giant C shaped scanner like machine.
I lie on the bench for not more than 3 minutes, this machine comes close to my neck and then
It's done.
The side effects are not as bad as RT apparently since its localised and  targetted only the skin in that area is affected.
Well, it didn't seem so bad and the earlier sores seem to have healed. The pain is now further down the throat....no more spasms and nausea...so I'm hoping the worse is over.

Thank you Lord!!

Week 7

Have not posted because week 7 was especially tough. After every RT session on that last week, I could feel the effects having a greater toll. 34 and 35 the last two was especially bad. As soon as I got into the car, I had a "gag attack". Fotunately there was nothing in my stomach. Connie had to stop the car and only her comforting hand and prayer could stop the atomic from heaving.

We are thankful that its ended and I've completed the 7weeks of treatment. The effects have not ended. In fact I believe the cells that were damaged during the last week now begin to erupt. The throat is worse and the pain has gone deeper into the aesophagus. The blisters on the neck is now only beginning to come out.

I cry out to the Lord to rescue me and to alleviate the extreme pain each time I gargle the mouth. At night it dries up and sticks together. I have not known nor experienced such intense pain.

Spaced Out

I have been unable to post anything as I was just our of it since Wednesday.  The doctor gave me a Fantanyl Patch (morphine) and I put it on Wednesday evening.  The whole of Thursday I felt like I was under a cloud. It was like fighting a jet lag all the time. I could be walking and I'd feel like falling asleep. The medicine was that strong. It was a horrible feeling.

I took the opportunity to drink manuka honey and propolis round the clock and do my gargle of Salt water + lavender + Tea tree oils as many times as possible since the pain was under control.

Today I got off the Fantanyl Patch and onto something less strong.  So far so good and I think the throat maybe healing.

I have 5 more rounds of RT. Please continue to pray :
1) Protection and healing of my throat.
2) Salivary  Glands to start working again
3)  Quick and total recovery
4) No more tumor or cancer cells left following the last treatment on Friday!!

For all those journeying with me, thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement!

PRAYER REQUESTS

Prayer requests:
1) Throat
- the inflamation will subside. Currently its so inflamed food is unable to go down without steroid coverage and this evening I choked again, causing some food to come out.
Pray it doesn't get infected. I'm on antibiotics.
2) Sleep. I get at most 4 hours a night in total as my mouth and throat dry up causing it to be very painful by morning.
Please pray that the salivary glands will function properly once again and this won't be a long term damage.
3) Eating becomes really difficult now and this next couple of weeks is crucial. The effects of the RT continue with each week..
4) with 2 weeks left of treatment please pray that the tumor will shrink completely and that there will be complete healing. It would be horrible if I have to continue because there are traces of the tumor left.
5) although many have said the side effects of the treatment continue on and peaks in 2 weeks I have a very personal prayer request...that God will grant me favour and allow me immediate recovery such that I can be at church on Christmas day sharing the Word of God from the pulpit.

Thank you all for your support and encouraging messages. Most of all for upholding me and my family before the throne of God.

My readings from Walking with God through Pain and Suffering - Keller

Have been blessed reading Keller's book Walking with God through Pain and Suffering.  have been finding God in the midst of my trials and he continues to speak.

EXCERPT PAGE 190-191,192
First, suffering transforms our attitude towards ourselves. It humbles us and removes unrealistic self regard and pride. It shows us how fragile we are.....suffering removes the blinders. It does not so much makes us helpless and out of control as it shows us we have always been vulnerable and dependent on God. Suffering merely helps us wake up to that fact and live in accordance with it.

Suffering also leads us to examine ourselves ad see weaknesses, because it brings us the worst in us. Our weak faith, sharp tongue, laziness, insensitivity to people, worry, bitter and other weaknesses in character will become evident to us (and others) in hard times.

Second, suffering will profoundly change our relationship to the good things in our lives. We will see that things have become too important to us. When we are devastated by a career reversal, there is real loss and grieve. But we may also come to see that the magnitude of our suffering is due to the excessive weight we put on our job status or other achievements.  The reversal can be a unique opportunity to invest more of our hope and meaning in God and family and others....

Thirdly, and most of all, suffering can strengthen our relationship to God like nothing else can. C.S. Lewis famous dictum is true, that in prosperity God whispers to us but in adversity He shouts to us. Suffering is indeed a test of our connection  to God. It can tempt us to be so angry at God and at life that we have no desire to pray. Yet it also has the resources to to greatly deepen our divine friendship. It starts with analysis. When times are good how do you know if you love God or just love the things He is giving you or doing for you? You don't really. In times of health and prosperity, it is easy to think you have a loving relationship to God. You pray and do your religious duties since it is comforting and seems to be paying off. But it is only in suffering that we can hear God shouting a set of questions at us: "Were things all right between us as long as I waited on you hand and foot? Did you get into this relationship for me to serve you or for you to serve me? .....it is only in suffering that faith and trust in God can be known to be in God, therefore it is only in suffering that our love relationship with God can become more and more genuine.

Suffering drives us toward God to pray as we never would otherwise ..

Finally, suffering is almost a prerequisite if we are going to be of much use to other people, especially when they go through their own trials. Adversity makes us far more compassionate than we would have been otherwise. Before, when we saw others in grieve we may have secretly wondered what all the blubbering was about, why people cant just suck it up and go on.....When we have suffered, we become more tender hearted and able to help others in suffering. Suffering creates wisdom in people, if they handle it and it doesn't make them hard
  
Heb 12:1-17
Romans 8:18-30
2 Cor 1:3-12  4:7-5:5, 11:24-12:10  and
most 1 Peter

UPDATE WEEK 5 DAY 4

I'm in my 24th RT and just completed my 5th CT on Tuesday.  Looks like I only have one more CT to go next Tuesday and 11 more RT.  I'm well over my half way mark and thats a consolation.  After that its recovery and rebuilding although a lot of the previous NPC survivors say the effects really peaks 2 weeks after the last treatment.  I'm praying that wont be the case for me because 2 weeks would end a few days before Christmas!

My daily bowl of meds

I no longer feel like I'm swallowing rocks, I'd say the feeling now is swallowing blades. To make matters worse, the throat is inflamed and so that makes the swallowing reflex difficult.  I'm on some kind of gargle medication (some kind of steroids) that brings down the inflamation almost immediately.  I'm covered round the clock with an aspirin gargle that numbs the throat long enough to eat my food. Oral painkillers are also in the menu of drugs together with antibiotics.  (druggy!)

The nights are toughest because the throat and mouth dries out and I have to wake up at every hour to moisten by drinking water or gargle.   I average 4 hours of sleep a night.  When the throat dries up, it becomes very painful in the morning when I have to do the aspirin gargle...thats when the blades come out! 

As for weight, I'm now averaging 67Kgs which means I've lost 5Kgs in my 5th week.  Nurses say 1Kg a week is acceptable.

  

Please continue to pray for complete healing through this process.  That after the whole treatment there will be no  trace of the tumor or cancer cells. 

Please also pray for a lessening of the symptoms as I head towards the end of the treatment. 

PSALM 71

Your righteousness O God reaches the high heavens

You who have done great things O God who is like you?

You who made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again

From the depths of the earth you will bring me up again

You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.

Amen!  

Update going in to Week 5

The sores in my throat has grown and the pain is now more intense.  Somehow the aspirin tablet gargle doesn't work as well and as fast. Eating now becomes harder and so I have to wash down the soft food with a chaser drink.

At night when I lie down the mouth and throat becomes really dry. The salivary glands are affected due to the daily radiation.  I find that if I sit up it is a bit better. So at night when I sleep I gargle my mouth to keep it moist almost every hour. This is how important saliva is - It helps in digestion, it has enzymes that protect the teeth but it also coats the teeth. In the morning when my mouth is completely dry, the edges of the teeth feels like knives as I brush my tongue along it.  Its really sharp but because of the saliva which coats it, we don't realise how sharp it is.

Please pray that 

1) The pain would not intensify and that the sores in the throat will heal so that I can eat my semi liquid diet.

2) The salivary glands will not be damaged permanently. They would work well and I would be able to sleep at nights without my mouth and throat drying up. 

3) Week 5 that God will sustain me and my weight wont come down too drastically.

I am now about 68Kgs. down 4+Kgs

       

Abundance in the midst of suffering

Doing my 4th chemo today. It's getting tougher with each new cycle but my hope remains surely in the Lord.

I've established a routine now and that helps make things go quickly. One of the highlights is walking with Connie in Subang Ria park on Sundays. It's kind of a reward for going through the week.

This morning I read Psalm 66 which resonated with my heart deeply...

For you, O God, have tested us;

you have tried us as silver is tried.

11  You brought us into mthe net;

you laid a crushing burden on our backs;

12  you let men nride over our heads;

we went through fire and through owater;

yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

And when it's all over...

rCome and hear, all you who fear God,

and I will tell what he has done for my soul.

17  I cried to him with my mouth,

and high praise was on1 my tongue.2

18  If I had scherished iniquity in my heart,

tthe Lord would not have listened.

19  But truly uGod has listened;

he has attended to the voice of my prayer.

20  Blessed be God,

because he has not rejected my prayer

or removed his steadfast love from me!

One truth remains in all of this testing...I have experienced His abundance in the midst of suffering!

Blessed be our Lord! Because he hears my prayers and keeps me in His steadfast love...where else can I find abundance??!!

Eating cardboard swallowing rocks

End of week 3 my throat is pretty sore. So now all food taste like cardboard and it feels like I'm swallowing rocks. Try to have 5 small meals a day each one takes up to 2 hours.
I take a short nap after the meals.
Difficult.

Going in for Week 3 - Lord I need you!

Tomorrow, I begin chemo 3 of 6 and radio 12 of 35.  

Please pray 
1) That the tumor will continue to shrink and shrink completely.

2) Side effects this week will be minimal and I would be able to overcome it
   -  nausea and cramps
    - sore throat
    - no mouth sores (to date none)

3) That I would be able to eat and not lose weight. 

4) My WBC and RBC count will continue to be high

5) Good health for all in our household is also important as I cannot afford to get sick. 

Thank you for remembering me in prayer.

PS. weirdest thing today, I put a piece of orange in my mouth and I could not taste a thing. If I was blindfolded and held my breath I will not know I was eating an orange!!  Yup, my taste buds shot! 

  

A green olive tree in the house of God

It was a rough week.  The stomach cramps the whole day and the nauseating feeling never leaves.  At the same time I have to eat to keep healthy. I cannot lose too much weight or else it will jeopardize the treatment. 

The pattern is after the CT on Tuesday, I feel bad all Wednesday and then peaks on Thursday evening. Sunday feels the best. I am so thankful for the weekends as it gives Connie and I a break from having to rush to the hospital every afternoon. 

I know with each cycle of CT, my body is getting beaten down and my WBC and RBC drop. Each week, I know I'm going to get weaker.  I cry to God and I call for His mercy before each mouthful of food. (Never thought I would have to force food, good food down like this) 

Today, I am reduced to one who have to cry to God even to do the basic thing for a man and that is to eat. I am moved to repentance in ever having thought that I was so good at what I do, so sufficient, so capable, so strong that prayer was the last resort, worship whenever convenient and reading the Word only when necessary. 

My reading and meditation of Psalm 52 spoke right in - 

V.7  See the man who would not make God His refuge

but trusted in the abundance of His riches (security, comfort)

and sought refuge (safety, self-image) in His own destruction

BUT I am like a green olive tree in the house of God

I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever

I will thank you forever

because you have done it

I will wait for your name for it is good

in the presence of the Godly.

We are not that great and powerful afterall. Lord how I need you!! I want you closer! I want to know you!   I wanna be a green olive tree in the house of God!! 

Week 2 Day 3

Today, the day after Chemo 2 feels significantly worse.  Nausea medicines have increased so that keeps the food down thankfully but the mouth is just bland. The one ulcer seems to be healing but the entrance to the throat just feels scratchy. I am still able to swallow without any pain - So I am thankful. 

I got medications for my hiccups which started at 8 am promptly..  
a quarter tablet of Largactil made me so drowsy the whole day (like when jet lag hits) but at least  it stopped the hiccups.

Please pray for endurance and a joyful heart keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus.  Towards the end of the week, the radiotherapy gets tiresome and I dread going.  

Please also continue to pray for minimal side effects and that I wont lose any weight.  

Thanking you all once again for your prayers and comments and whatsapp messages and delicious meals for me and my family.  

Week 2

I am grateful for the weekend. Going to church seeing the community is the best therapy. It's actually given me strength to face week 2.

I have learned that its OK to say I can't do this.  That's its tough to feel the body getting weaker and to go to the hospital everyday knowing that the treatment is what is causing all the side effects. Now I can turn to Jesus and say I need you. I need you to take me through this, to give me the strength and the stamina cause I can't!

So blessed also to have sat under the authority of the Word this past Sunday and to hear an exhortation from my friend and mentor Ps Guna Raman from Singapore. The church received the Word with great joy and encouragement.
To love and adore Christ for who He is and not for His rewards/gifts. That is the only way to face the severe mercies in this world.

Christ is the Alpha and Omega.
Here is the last 32 minutes of the sermon I recorded.....https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0B0b4OwphSLvVNWNvY2s2LUEycVk

Ps Guna prays for the church and for me at the end of the sermon.

Week 2.... Here I come

Greetings from SDMC. 

Day 5 -Struggling towards my first milestone

Friday morning was tough. I was on my own for awhile and the frustration of not feeling normal was getting to me. The thought of another day of RT and another 6 cycles of this was hard to take. 
I was also frustrated with not being productive and at work where I could get things done....yes I'm being confronted with my "work/achievement idol" here. 

"Suffering has a way of reordering your loves" (Keller) and I think this is happening as the Lord shows me my heart and reorders my passions.  Is Christ Himself the great reward or is Christ the means to the rewards?

My devotion this morning confirms this:
...You with your own hand drove out the nations,
but them you planted;
you afflicted the peoples
but them you set free;
for not by their own sword did they win the land,
nor did their own arm save them,
but your right hand and your arm,
and the light of your face,
for you delighted in them......

For not in my bow do I trust,
nor can my sword save me 
But you have saved us from our foes
and have put to shame those who hate us
In God we have boasted continually
and we will give thanks to your name forever.
Psalm44

Lord not in my bow do I trust, nor my own sword, wisdom and accomplishments. Help me to trust in you alone. Help me to savour and seek you alone, not victory that is sure, nor the healing that will come or the restoration that is ours to claim.  Christ is my great reward.

After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward!  Gen 15:1

Day 4 - Hiccups and more hiccups

Today has been the toughest so far, experiencing nausea and intermittent violent hiccups.  In fact the Tomography machine stopped because I was moving too much from the hiccups.  The technicians came back in and I suggested letting me drink some water.  Fortunately the hiccups stopped then it came back even worse when I got home.  Connie made a warm drink which seem to have stopped it.

My mouth is also getting more and more dry as the days go...

I take comfort in my reading of Psalm 42 this morning.....Hope in God for I shall again praise Him,  my salvation and my God!!

Why are you cast down, O My soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God

My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordon and Hermon, 
From Mount Mizar
Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls
all your breakers and your waves have gone before me

By day the Lord commands His steadfast love
and at night His song is with me 

Psalm 42

Day 3 - Side Effects

Some side effects are beginning to show.

1) my mouth is increasingly getting drier. I have the mouth wash that simulates saliva and keeps it moisturize for 7 hours so I do that before sleeping.  

2) this morning I got a violent hiccup attack.  YES!  hiccups. It would stop after I do my blow air out then drink a glass of water routine. It would stop for 30 minutes and then come back with a vengeance. Suspecting it is because of the chemo I went to Dr. Google..."hiccups chemo"  Yes... cisplatin can cause hiccups but it will go away a couple of days after the chemo.  Thankfully it stopped in time for my radiotherapy treatment this afternoon.

3) My neck is getting a bit sore and feels hot at night like sunburn. After the afternoon sessions, I apply olive oil to the affected area.  There is a study of how topical olive oil helps reduce radiodermatitis...I'll see if it works. So far it helps moisture the area and keeps it supple.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4565279/

4) no nausea but bloating and tightness on upper abdomen after eating.  Taking medication (Controlloc) before food helps ease the discomfort.

When I'm not in the hospital I'm busy fighting monsters and saving humans.:)

Radiotherapy table where I lie for 15 minutes everyday. See my superhero
mask at the corner  

  

Day 2 - Chemo begins

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined to me and heard my cry
He drew me from the pit of destruction
Out of the miry bog
And set my feet on a rock
Making my steps secure
He put a new song in my mouth
A song of praise to our God
Many will see and fear
And put their trust in the Lord
psalm 40

 Preparing for the RT this afternoon... My memory verse.
At 9.30am 2 bottles of saline with minerals were dripped in. At 10.45am the first drop of cistplatin went in.

Lord, may the chemo drugs "Passover"the good cells redeemed by the blood of the Lamb
and destroy the "broken cancer cells"! 

Reading, praying, memorizing

Greetings from Subang Jaya Medical Center

DAY 1 - Like first day in school!

The feeling is like your first day of school. Lost and unsure what is going  to happen next.

I lie down on that hard table again and they pull my luminous yellow grid mask out from the cupboard.  They mark my face and chest and place the mask on top.  Then they strap my face and chest down firmly. My eyes firmly closed and my lips pursed.  At first I felt unable to breathe as it pressed hard on my neck.  They readjusted and then it felt better.

I hear everyone leaving the room and then the table moves into the giant white donut.  After about 10 minutes of measuring they announce that everything is OK and they will begin with the 447 sec of radiation.

The long walk to the radiotherapy chamber

Like a sci fi movie, a faint blue light goes around the donut humming along from left to right to left to right.....a bit intimidating. I try to block out all the humming and hissing and buzzing sounds around me and begin to think and recite Psalm 23...The Lord is My Shepherd I shall not want....
It helps me to focus on remembering the psalm instead of all thats going on around me.  before long its over. What a relief.

My head unstrapped and I'm helped up from the table!

The mask leaves an imprint on my forehead

Tomorrow is another day. Its a full day as I will receive my first dose of chemotherapy.  8.30am to 1.30pm.  Then to radiotherapy from 2pm to about 2.30pm.

Thank you all for praying for us.

Not sure how long more I can hit the gym...and my caregiver's back is HEALED! She says TQ for the prayers  

Overwhelmed by love

At church, Connie and I were overwhelmed by all your love, prayers, gifts (organic vegetables, chinese barley...etc), hugs and words of encouragement.  We dont know how anyone could go through a trial as big as this without a loving, caring community.

Today, my fight begins!  My appointment for the radiotherapy is at 2pm.  

Please  pray

1) Treatment

 -  That the tumor will shrink quickly as a result of the RT

 -  Minimal to no side effects : weight loss, mouth and throat ulcers, nausea, loss of sense of taste, skin burn, depression.

 -  Protection for the optic nerves, hearing, brain, salivary glands, and voice.

 - That all the cancer cells will be destroyed that the technicians and doctors will not leave out any spot. 

2) Please pray during treatment that I will be able to be calm and restful and remain still

3) Connie has developed a backache. Pray for healing and strength for her too.

Thank you once again for all your prayers and support.

#BeStrong #ThisisMyFightSong 
#LeaningOnHim #ItCan'tGowrong

Weekend Reflection or Rambling..

Friday early morning walk with Connie at the Park in Subang

I am thankful and my heart is filled with joy.  I think of how God has been good to me and His lovingkindness has no end. There is no permanency in life and this disease has taught me how vulnerable and fragile life is. The psalmist says - “As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.”  BUT in contrast to that temporal-ness is God’s steadfast, long lasting love!  (Psalm103:14-18)

Going through this time of uncertainty it is so good to know that something can be so certain.

It gives me strength as I know from my past, the 38 years that I have known the Lord – how good and faithful He is. How He has really protected me and plucked me from so many possible dangers and heartaches in life. In fact I was secretly thinking before this Cancer, how relatively “trial free” my life has been. Perhaps, before this cancer, the most severe trial was the 2 months of my mother’s hospitalization before she passed away in May 2009.  

I can trust the Hand of God upon my life! God has been good, and I know He is still good and the timing of this trial is in his perfect will for my life.  This song “The Perfect Wisdom of our God” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSnzYnOe6kI says it well;

Each strand of sorrow has a place

Within this tapestry of grace;

So through the trials I choose to say:

“Your perfect will in your perfect way.”

Another reason to trust Him in this season of suffering is the Gospel of Jesus Christ which I have come not only to know but to embrace for strength to live this life. The God who brought light to this world in the beginning has graciously shone light into my heart so that I can know Christ in greater intensity with each passing day and even more through this trial! 

This knowledge of God's saving grace and mercy upon me, Paul calls this "Treasures"in jars of clay! (2 cor4) It has given me the power to face this trial and suffering knowing that the Christ who redeemed me and paid the penalty of my sin is in me (jar of clay) and is a sure and unshakable foundation. No wonder Paul says; "We are afflicted but not crushed, perplexed but not driven to despair, persecuted but not forsaken, struck down but not destroyed." What a way to live!!  In all of this we share in the suffering of our Lord and saviour who also rose and conquered death. What victory!  It gives me hope! 

The 3rd reason is the Hope of Eternity! I had the opportunity of studying and preaching through the book of Revelation with my beloved congregation and benefited immensely from it. Strangely, the news of the cancer came to me the Thursday after my last sermon on Revelation 21 - "Listening to and longing for Eternity! 

Thinking of a place where there be no more sin, nor sickness,nor tears nor pain, nor suffering gives hope for the present. A place where there is love, with the people of God, worshiping our Lord and Saviour night and day.  The redeemed from every tribe and tongue crying out "Salvation belongs to our God who sits upon the throne and to the Lamb!" Listening to eternity gives hope for the present.   

A couple of months ago, Connie and I visited a dear sister struggling with advanced cancer.  As I shared this she interupted, exclaiming, with tears in her eyes; "I'll be there!!!"  Yes indeed, she will be there, as I will be there and as all of us who trust in the name of Jesus Christ will be there!  What hope!!

If you have read through this weekend rambling to this point - thank you.  Hope it made sense.

My Life is in YOUR hands

I thought I could get treated this week but as I found out the hospital needs a week to plan out my treatment with all the data they now have.  That thought leaves me a bit squirmish and anxious thinking that the cancer cells are still growing and multiplying.

Today actually marks 1 month since the ENT  found the tumor in my nostril cavity. This one month went by so quickly - it feels like just a week ago. I guess its pretty good that by the time my first RT it'll be a month and 3 days.

I am reminded this morning not to be anxious.

Psalm 31:14

But I trust in you Lord;

I say you are my God

My times are in your hand;

rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!

Make your face shine on your servant

save me in your steadfast love.

My life is in YOUR hands Lord.  

Not in my enemy (cancer), 

not in the doctors hands, neither in all the supplements and good food I take. 

Isn't that great that our life is in HIS hands?

pheew!  

My Daily, Current Regiment

One of the challenges is maintaining a positive attitude and not allowing negative thoughts to stay in the head for long. They do come... 

Thanks to God's daily Words of assurance I can claim them for the day. Its amazing how the Bible is written by people struggling with what life throws at them. The Psalm for example is full of honest doubts and struggles and cries for help. 

Today's reading Psalm 28:

Blessed be the Lord! 

For He has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy

The Lord is my strength and my shield

In Him my heart trusts and I am helped

My heart exults and with my song I give thanks to Him

The Lord is the strength of His people

he is the saving refuge of His anointed

Oh save your people and bless your heritage!

Be their shepherd and carry them forever.

As I revel in God's Word I find a peaceful assurance of His sweet presence with me through the day!

So with God's Word, I take in a regiment of good, natural nutritious foods as well.... 
In the mornings I get my lemon juice first thing while I read my Bible and pray.  30 minutes later, Connie brings me a glass of Barley Green. We finish with our devotion, we pray together then go downstairs for our breakfast. (Oats, Eggs& fruits) Then a handful of spirulina.  I also down a tablespoon of Oleocanthal (found in Olive oils!! This I researched myself)

Before lunch I get a glassful of carrot and spinach, ++ juice..Not sure what Connie puts in it but I obediently drink it all.  Followed by lunch, then Vitamin C, Echinacea and more olecanthals :)

In the afternoon, a glass of Barley Green  Then just before dinner, another glass of carrot and vegetable juices.  After dinner another tablet of Vitamin C and spirulina.  

Some form of exercise everyday... if not the gym then a walk at the lake.

This is how I keep my mind and body ready for the FIGHT!
#BeStrong

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and prayers!!  It means more to us than you know.
Do drop a note here in this blog too...

Poked again

I've never liked needles, yet this last 2 weeks I've gotten a lot of it, and I'll get another half dozen or so in the next 7 weeks. 

After the ordeal..resting

Today was the most uncomfortable experience so far.  First I was told to lay on the CT Scan table, then 2 men measure and mark my face and chest. Then a warm pad is placed over my face and they push contouring out my face and chest. They were making a mold. The head and chest was strapped down so that you cannot move. Then a line was poked into my veins so that they could drip the Contrast (Barium). The whole body heats up and a strong metallic smell fills the tunnel. You feel like choking but soon realize the smell is not from outside but from the Barium being shot up t he veins.

Nurse Lakshmi pulls out the needle that was in my veins

In order not to go crazy, and I was close to it, I replayed my readings of Psalm 23 in the morning...."I fear no evil...for you are with me....".  If you are one who gets claustrophobic  this would not be a favourable position to be in!  

Apparently with all this scans and measurements, the technicians and doctors will plan out my treatment which will only start Next Monday!...... more pain and needles.... 

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley

I will fear no evil for you are with me;

your rod and your staff they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me, 

    in the presence of my enemies

You anoint my head with oil,  

my cup overflows.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord 

forever.

Psalm 23

How to pray

Tomorrow I go for my first treatment. It will be daily radiotherapy for 7 weeks and weekly chemotherapy. Side effects will be fatigue, nausea and loss of appetite.   People have asked how they can pray for me:

1)  Medical treatment
- Pray for healing   
- Please pray that the treatment would be effective and that the tumor will shrink quickly.
- Pray that the medical team would administer the treatment accurately.
-  Pray for minimal side effects and that I will still be able to eat to keep strong.
-  Pray for God's overall protection

2) Pray that I would have opportunity to meet fellow cancer sufferers and make some lasting friendships.  That I would have the opportunity to share Christ love.   

3) Family
- Pray for general health for my whole family.  That we would not get sick.  Especially pray for Connie who is taking care  of me with all the extra work she has on top of what she does to keep the family going.
-   Ellisa goes for her IGSC next week, pray she wont be distracted and that she is able to focus.

Thank you for all the support and love shown to me and my family.  Your care and concern touches our hearts deeply. 

I found Christ!

When the news first broke and when Connie called me from Malaysia to say that the doctor wanted me back because it was cancer - I recall just numbness. Although we sort of expected it because the Specialist warned us it didn't look good - nevertheless when it was official - it was difficult to accept.  

The morning after I got the call, I went out for a run. - Wichita Sunrise

It was always someone else who got cancer but now the "Big C has come to me!" Immediately, I felt like a countdown clock was placed on my forehead and death became real.  Funny isn't it how we live our lives never thinking about death and how imminent it can be....until news like this comes.

Quiet walk along the Olentangy River

I began to spend time in quiet reflection, reading the Word and praying over the next few days whenever I could - in the long car rides, seeing the beautiful sunrise in Wichita, quiet walks along the Olentangy River. I recall thinking, "I thank God that I can be here to experience all this serenity before going back."  Something beautiful began to happen.  God's Word came alive (every verse), songs ministered deeply, prayers became intimate and the sermons spoke  right into my soul.  In the trial - I FOUND CHRIST!  Its true, as Daniel's friends discovered, as Stephen observed and the many suffering saints found out - Christ shows up in suffering!  


When everything is shaken, when death is staring me in the eye - Christ is the one unshakable foundation.  

Little did I know Connie was experiencing the same back home in Malaysia.  His presence enveloped us with such a peace. We worshipped, we prayed, we experienced His presence so richly.  No wonder it is possible to be joyful in the midst of trials especially when Christ is found in the rubble of life!

The long drive to Houston

A flock of birds against the sunrise

Beautiful afternoon on the Olentangy River,  Columbus.  - Thinking of the days ahead.

             Consider it pure Joy when you face various trials.....James 1:2-4

Thank you Lord!

The oncologist was very thorough in explaining the report and subsequent plan of treatment.

It is 1 tumor from the inside of my nostril cavity to the left nodule area.  It is localised and has not spread anywhere else. That in itself is good news.  We rejoice in hearing that!

My treatment starts next Monday - a regiment of 7 weeks radiotherapy and 6 weeks Chemotherapy concurrently. Radiotherapy is 5 days a week.

The doctor explained the side effects and difficulties I will have to bear like - loss of appetite, fatigue and a salivary gland which may be damaged.

Afraid for my job, I quickly asked if my voice will be affected....... Thank God it won't which means many of you will still have to endure my preaching :)

The months ahead will be difficult but I'm grateful to God for the good prognosis and all your prayers, words of encouragement and hugs!  

    

Long road ahead...

What a long road to the hospital. Lord, your grace is sufficient

 My viadolorosa.

Going to see the Oncologist

Today, I go to see the oncologist for the report of the PET Scan. This will tell me how bad or how good it looks,  What my chances are and what stage this cancer is in.

Psalm 20 this morning spoke to me
Some trust in chariots ad some in horses
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God
They collapse and fall
but we rise and stand upright!

Whatever the outcome, I know that my God is still sovereignly in control and I can trust Him even with my life because He is good and faithful and His lovingkindness endures forever!