Friday morning was tough. I was on my own for awhile and the frustration of not feeling normal was getting to me. The thought of another day of RT and another 6 cycles of this was hard to take.
I was also frustrated with not being productive and at work where I could get things done....yes I'm being confronted with my "work/achievement idol" here.
"Suffering has a way of reordering your loves" (Keller) and I think this is happening as the Lord shows me my heart and reorders my passions. Is Christ Himself the great reward or is Christ the means to the rewards?
My devotion this morning confirms this:
...You with your own hand drove out the nations,
but them you planted;
you afflicted the peoples
but them you set free;
for not by their own sword did they win the land,
nor did their own arm save them,
but your right hand and your arm,
and the light of your face,
for you delighted in them......
For not in my bow do I trust,
nor can my sword save me
But you have saved us from our foes
and have put to shame those who hate us
In God we have boasted continually
and we will give thanks to your name forever.
Psalm44
Lord not in my bow do I trust, nor my own sword, wisdom and accomplishments. Help me to trust in you alone. Help me to savour and seek you alone, not victory that is sure, nor the healing that will come or the restoration that is ours to claim. Christ is my great reward.
After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward! Gen 15:1
Yes. Suffering reorders our passions. As you share all that u r going thru, i m saddened but also deeply reminded and encouraged of the deep truths of the Christian life.
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time or sometimes one hour at a time is all we can take. And for God, that is enough.
Praying for u, Connie and the children.