20 days after last Radiation

20 days after my last irradiation there are so many ups and downs.  Some good days some bad days.

I had made it a goal to be available to preach a Christmas sermon on Christmas Day at CDPC Subang. My prayer was that I felt no pain and I was not reliant on pain killers and I will go for it. Meanwhile, Ps Ian from CDPCKL who was to preach the same text in the afternoon was on standby in case I could not do it.  The problem was that up to Wednesday, the pain killers were making me drowsy and each time I put my fingers to the computer I would nod off.  Thursday morning, I woke up and I strangely felt no pain!  I took 1 tablet of pain killer (ultracet) and by evening there was minimal pain in my throat.  I took another one before sleeping. The days before I was doing 6 tablets of ultracet a day + 2 tramadol.  By Friday I had taken zero!  Thank you Lord!!   I told Ian I will go for it as the Lord seem to have given me a confirmation.

Luke 2:8-51

Then on Christmas Eve, I felt a bit of pain and by Sunday morning, the pain had returned. It was time to rely on God!  I took a tablet of ultracet and gargled the aspirin just before going up. It went well and it was a great Christmas present for me from the Lord to have proclaimed the Word of God on Christmas Day to the community I love so much!

On Monday morning, I was parched and hoarse. Got back on the pain killers but half of what I used to do.  Praying again for this Sunday as I preach one more time.

My Scripture reader who helped me read scripture through the sermon

FOOD
On Christmas Day lunch at church i ate my first solids...mash potatoes and although it was painful I could actually taste it and swallow it! From then on, I have been on soft solids...porridge and fish etc. This is a huge step forward for me!!

Day by day I am praying that God will heal me from all these side effects quickly.
I still am unable to sleep through the nigh having to wake up every hour to wet my mouth and throat. With the sores, a dry throat is just not good!  Wetting the dry sores is like pouring vinegar on an open wound!

Iradiation 5 more days

Yesterday, I got a bummer news as I went for an ultrasound test of the nodes on the neck. Most of them have shrunk except for the main one which the cancer had infiltrated was still enlarged. Doctor said it usually takes a couple of weeks after RT for it to shrink completely. As a precautionary step however she would like to do 5 sessions of Iradiation. I was so bummed out to hear that as I thought I was done with treatment.
Well, we asked for them to do the planning  on the same day and begin treatment the following day which is today.

a different machine. I step in to a room with a giant C shaped scanner like machine.
I lie on the bench for not more than 3 minutes, this machine comes close to my neck and then
It's done.
The side effects are not as bad as RT apparently since its localised and  targetted only the skin in that area is affected.
Well, it didn't seem so bad and the earlier sores seem to have healed. The pain is now further down the throat....no more spasms and nausea...so I'm hoping the worse is over.

Thank you Lord!!

Week 7

Have not posted because week 7 was especially tough. After every RT session on that last week, I could feel the effects having a greater toll. 34 and 35 the last two was especially bad. As soon as I got into the car, I had a "gag attack". Fotunately there was nothing in my stomach. Connie had to stop the car and only her comforting hand and prayer could stop the atomic from heaving.

We are thankful that its ended and I've completed the 7weeks of treatment. The effects have not ended. In fact I believe the cells that were damaged during the last week now begin to erupt. The throat is worse and the pain has gone deeper into the aesophagus. The blisters on the neck is now only beginning to come out.

I cry out to the Lord to rescue me and to alleviate the extreme pain each time I gargle the mouth. At night it dries up and sticks together. I have not known nor experienced such intense pain.

Spaced Out

I have been unable to post anything as I was just our of it since Wednesday.  The doctor gave me a Fantanyl Patch (morphine) and I put it on Wednesday evening.  The whole of Thursday I felt like I was under a cloud. It was like fighting a jet lag all the time. I could be walking and I'd feel like falling asleep. The medicine was that strong. It was a horrible feeling.

I took the opportunity to drink manuka honey and propolis round the clock and do my gargle of Salt water + lavender + Tea tree oils as many times as possible since the pain was under control.

Today I got off the Fantanyl Patch and onto something less strong.  So far so good and I think the throat maybe healing.

I have 5 more rounds of RT. Please continue to pray :
1) Protection and healing of my throat.
2) Salivary  Glands to start working again
3)  Quick and total recovery
4) No more tumor or cancer cells left following the last treatment on Friday!!

For all those journeying with me, thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement!

PRAYER REQUESTS

Prayer requests:
1) Throat
- the inflamation will subside. Currently its so inflamed food is unable to go down without steroid coverage and this evening I choked again, causing some food to come out.
Pray it doesn't get infected. I'm on antibiotics.
2) Sleep. I get at most 4 hours a night in total as my mouth and throat dry up causing it to be very painful by morning.
Please pray that the salivary glands will function properly once again and this won't be a long term damage.
3) Eating becomes really difficult now and this next couple of weeks is crucial. The effects of the RT continue with each week..
4) with 2 weeks left of treatment please pray that the tumor will shrink completely and that there will be complete healing. It would be horrible if I have to continue because there are traces of the tumor left.
5) although many have said the side effects of the treatment continue on and peaks in 2 weeks I have a very personal prayer request...that God will grant me favour and allow me immediate recovery such that I can be at church on Christmas day sharing the Word of God from the pulpit.

Thank you all for your support and encouraging messages. Most of all for upholding me and my family before the throne of God.

My readings from Walking with God through Pain and Suffering - Keller

Have been blessed reading Keller's book Walking with God through Pain and Suffering.  have been finding God in the midst of my trials and he continues to speak.

EXCERPT PAGE 190-191,192
First, suffering transforms our attitude towards ourselves. It humbles us and removes unrealistic self regard and pride. It shows us how fragile we are.....suffering removes the blinders. It does not so much makes us helpless and out of control as it shows us we have always been vulnerable and dependent on God. Suffering merely helps us wake up to that fact and live in accordance with it.

Suffering also leads us to examine ourselves ad see weaknesses, because it brings us the worst in us. Our weak faith, sharp tongue, laziness, insensitivity to people, worry, bitter and other weaknesses in character will become evident to us (and others) in hard times.

Second, suffering will profoundly change our relationship to the good things in our lives. We will see that things have become too important to us. When we are devastated by a career reversal, there is real loss and grieve. But we may also come to see that the magnitude of our suffering is due to the excessive weight we put on our job status or other achievements.  The reversal can be a unique opportunity to invest more of our hope and meaning in God and family and others....

Thirdly, and most of all, suffering can strengthen our relationship to God like nothing else can. C.S. Lewis famous dictum is true, that in prosperity God whispers to us but in adversity He shouts to us. Suffering is indeed a test of our connection  to God. It can tempt us to be so angry at God and at life that we have no desire to pray. Yet it also has the resources to to greatly deepen our divine friendship. It starts with analysis. When times are good how do you know if you love God or just love the things He is giving you or doing for you? You don't really. In times of health and prosperity, it is easy to think you have a loving relationship to God. You pray and do your religious duties since it is comforting and seems to be paying off. But it is only in suffering that we can hear God shouting a set of questions at us: "Were things all right between us as long as I waited on you hand and foot? Did you get into this relationship for me to serve you or for you to serve me? .....it is only in suffering that faith and trust in God can be known to be in God, therefore it is only in suffering that our love relationship with God can become more and more genuine.

Suffering drives us toward God to pray as we never would otherwise ..

Finally, suffering is almost a prerequisite if we are going to be of much use to other people, especially when they go through their own trials. Adversity makes us far more compassionate than we would have been otherwise. Before, when we saw others in grieve we may have secretly wondered what all the blubbering was about, why people cant just suck it up and go on.....When we have suffered, we become more tender hearted and able to help others in suffering. Suffering creates wisdom in people, if they handle it and it doesn't make them hard
  
Heb 12:1-17
Romans 8:18-30
2 Cor 1:3-12  4:7-5:5, 11:24-12:10  and
most 1 Peter

UPDATE WEEK 5 DAY 4

I'm in my 24th RT and just completed my 5th CT on Tuesday.  Looks like I only have one more CT to go next Tuesday and 11 more RT.  I'm well over my half way mark and thats a consolation.  After that its recovery and rebuilding although a lot of the previous NPC survivors say the effects really peaks 2 weeks after the last treatment.  I'm praying that wont be the case for me because 2 weeks would end a few days before Christmas!

My daily bowl of meds

I no longer feel like I'm swallowing rocks, I'd say the feeling now is swallowing blades. To make matters worse, the throat is inflamed and so that makes the swallowing reflex difficult.  I'm on some kind of gargle medication (some kind of steroids) that brings down the inflamation almost immediately.  I'm covered round the clock with an aspirin gargle that numbs the throat long enough to eat my food. Oral painkillers are also in the menu of drugs together with antibiotics.  (druggy!)

The nights are toughest because the throat and mouth dries out and I have to wake up at every hour to moisten by drinking water or gargle.   I average 4 hours of sleep a night.  When the throat dries up, it becomes very painful in the morning when I have to do the aspirin gargle...thats when the blades come out! 

As for weight, I'm now averaging 67Kgs which means I've lost 5Kgs in my 5th week.  Nurses say 1Kg a week is acceptable.

  

Please continue to pray for complete healing through this process.  That after the whole treatment there will be no  trace of the tumor or cancer cells. 

Please also pray for a lessening of the symptoms as I head towards the end of the treatment. 

PSALM 71

Your righteousness O God reaches the high heavens

You who have done great things O God who is like you?

You who made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again

From the depths of the earth you will bring me up again

You will increase my greatness and comfort me again.

Amen!